My job isn’t extremely tough, but you have to have an insane amount of knowledge about English and the art of writing to be good at said job, and I am damn good at my job. I’m an English tutor at a local community college.

When I was at PrattleRattle, I did a blog, every week about people that came into the comic book store I worked at. Now that I don’t work there, I need a live blog to keep me entertained through my long work day.

My coworker is an older gentleman, and he’s good at his job, but sometimes he says some weird things, and he likes to leave the office constantly. Let’s keep tabs on him for August 2nd, 2012.

9:03AM: Coworker leaves office and doesn’t say where he is going. I’m tempted to follow, but the lady coworker I’m with in the morning has not arrived.

9:20AM: Comes back and immediately he says he has to walk to his car. No reason given why.

9:40AM: Comes back and walks out of the room again.

9:47AM: Comes back into the room and tells me not to piss off Chinese badminton players. I ask why and he tells me you shouldn’t mess with them. Now I’m puzzled.

9:50AM: He leaves again.

9:53AM: He comes back, finishes a bottle of water, and asks me why he has yellow chalk in his bag. I have no answer for him, and he tells me the blackboards at another school are green, not black. I am puzzled why I need to know this.

9:57AM: A construction guy is working outside and hits our window. Coworker asks if it’s George Romney. I don’t see the correlation.

9:59AM: He says hi to a student who comes into our office, and then leaves the room. I didn’t see where he went.

10:00AM: Walks back in.

9-10AM: Total time spent in actual office working: 12 minutes.

10:04AM: He leaves the office again, but this time quickly. I’m following.

10:08AM: I had to abort the mission. He spotted me, right after I took a picture of him. He headed downstairs.

10:10AM: He comes back and starts to work with a student that I was already planning on helping. Where did he go? Hmmmmm.

10:16AM: I’m struggling to keep this under wraps. I can’t load the picture I’ve taken onto the computer. Coworker sneezes twice and paces. He sits down and pounds away on the keyboard while he types something up in gmail.

10:22AM: He’s confused why I don’t know who is working tonight and then says “It’s going to be a hell of a time.” Why? The detective in me wants to know why.

10:26AM: I’m surprised he hasn’t left yet. We’re quickly approaching my 10:30 smoke break. I hope I’m not followed.

10:27AM: I spoke too soon. He’s left. I will follow.

10:30AM: He’s a spry young lad… Well, he’s not young, but he shook me. He just walked back into the office. I’m pretty sure he’s up to no good. He may be doing dirty deals on the side with a Ruskie. I’m getting too “Private Dick.” I’m going to smoke.

10:36AM: I doubled back to the smoking area to make sure I wasn’t followed. Nothing out here looks suspicious.

10:40AM: I’ve been back for a minute, and he’s left again.

10:44AM: He’s hovering around the door and then sits back down. Something must be going down. What’s he waiting for? I smell my drink to make sure he didn’t poison it. Nope. Everything seems good. His face is glued to the computer screen. He’s on a site called “Makers,” probably reading up on how to make himself into a better crime lord. Wait… no, it’s about the Olympics.

10:54AM: He asks me if I’m going to Lalapolooza. I tell him no. I’m pretty sure he just wants to find out when I’m not going to be in my house so he can tap my phones and install cameras to spy on me.

10:55AM: He turns on the news on the computer and blasts the audio. I wonder how the student trying to work behind him feels about that?

10:56AM: Leaves the office 4 minutes early. Complains about students crunching food. Still calls me “Matthew.” I hate that. He’s probably going to put GPS on my car so he can follow me or he has a meeting with mob bosses about gun running. I’ll never know.

10-11AM: Total time spent in actual office working: 30 minutes

9-11AM: Total time spent in actual office working: 42 minutes